I would like to believe in it,
I would like to believe it's true,
But I've fallen into a bottomless pit,
I can't believe I believed you.

I would like to believe it's everywhere,
I would like to believe in the songs,
But that's not love I smell in the air,
It's just weed and reality in bongs.

I would like to believe in love at first sight,
I would like to believe in true love,
But, once again, I've been given a bite,
By reality and its hurtful shove.

I would like to believe you were made for me,
I would like to believe you were the one,
But you decided to drown me in this sea,
Be content now that you've won.

&Now, I see, that love is a lie,
That this word meant nothing to you.
That you were just another guy,
And nothing you said was true.

You never meant that "I love you."

I can feel you slipping;
These butter fingers are too
Clumsy to hold such a fragile object,
I watch as I spill the contents within.

The spilling of colors; they're beautiful,
Like a splash of neon and
Mixture of beauty, but slowly
The colors unite, becoming chaotic.

Too strong of a pink, too bright of a red.
Too deep of a blue, too disgusting of a green.
The once unique, bright creation
Is now a distasteful color on the floor.

These hands of mine, they let you fall,
Breaking you into tiny, tiny pieces.
Sharp, pointy, dangerous pieces,
That could cut through the skin.

I attempt to pick you up, to lift you,
But your sharp edges cut my
Delicate, guilty fingers and make it
Hard to hold you again.

I want to put you back together,
I want to attempt to re-create,
But you will be spider-webbed,
You will be cracked.

And even if I put the lovely
Colors back into you,
They will leak out from your cracks,
And you will be empty.

Psychotic colors,
An impulse in my veins,
Heart starts to beat faster,
Feel the drug making its way.

The taste is so delightful;
The feeling, so frightful.
Engorging myself in more,
Craving the exhilaration.

An unrealistic feeling
For an unrealistic world,
Getting lost in the intoxication
Of the colors that unfurl.

Losing my mind without it,
I itch, I bitch, I yearn.
Desiring the concupiscence,
And lusting the thrill.

You're like a drug addiction,
Addicted to your nicotine,
Absorbed into your toxins,
& Dependent on your taste.

You've got me hooked onto this
Wonderland;
This seemingly perfect place.

I've been thinking of you lately,
How there used to be a "we,"
Kind of funny how I used to think
That we were meant to be.

It's been said, you can see,
"In your beauty, your grace,"
That I find myself envying
Your beautiful face.

There are aspects I see,
That other cannot,
You have what I lack,
And yes, that's a lot.

Yet I cannot help
But to fear you will see,
That I envy your everything
And wish you were me.

Hm, better yet,
I wish I was you.
So close to perfection;
I wanna be perfect too.

But, I am not even close
To your level of awes,
For I am imperfect,
With such obvious flaws.

Oh, Mystery Woman,
I admire you from a far,
Wishing I was just like you
On each single star.

But please, mystery woman,
Don't take what I possess;
My lover, my hopes,
And this I must stress.

You're taking from me,
What I worked so hard to gain.
Please, mystery woman,
Stop causing this pain.

why is he so close to her?
giggle giggle giggle; what's so damn funny?
An inside joke? One I will never understand.
When you two communicate it's like a foreign language I do not speak.
I can watch your body language and listen to your laughter.
Laughter is not foreign, nor giggles or signs or touches.
Not the look in her eyes and the smile on her face.
Not the look on your face.
I don't understand what you're saying.
So many inside jokes...
So many stories and times and flirts and memories.
Memories I have no part in.
Hahahahahah- laughter is not foreign.

slowly you're taking over.
invading what i love,
what i had loved,
what i desire.

slowly, you're moving in.
moving into my territory,
taking over, being
imperialistic.

slowly, you take my patience.
I try to take control of my anger,
But you test me,
slowly; step by step.

slowly, you kill me.
with every little move,
every little tiny insignificant
piece which leads to your victory.

slowly;
check mate.

I am Nessa: "The term used when a person is so cool...even the word cool is not cool enough.."
&&All You Need is Love;

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May 2009,
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February 2010,
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